2010

Last year my prayer for the New year was for a crisis free 2009. That didn't work out too well for me, so this year my prayer for 2010 will just be to get me through each day, one day at a time.

Random act of kindness

Today I went to Starbucks like I do every morning before work. I go through the drive through and I always order a grande mocha. Today when I got to the window, the barista told me that the lady in the car before me had paid for my drink today.
"What?" I said
"Why?"
"She just wanted to do something nice" Said the barista.

The lady was already half way down the street. Gone.
My jaw just dropped and I couldn't stop saying how nice that was. My eyes filled up with tears and then I couldn't stop smiling! I've had family and friends do special and kind thing for me before, even out of the blue, but I have never had a stranger bestow upon me a random act of kindness. It was truly amazing and I tell you, it made my whole day. I smiled more today. I was kinder to others today. I laughed more today.
Was it just a 4 dollar coffee, yeah, but it was so much more.

What if

Over the past 10 years my life has had a few highs and many extreme lows. Through it all I felt like God was teaching me something, whether it be strength or faith or love or what not. I have always tried to take everything that has been handed to me with a smile and turn it into a learning experience or a better understanding of what it is to have faith in God.
This year, instead of a New Years resolution I started praying daily for a crisis free 2009. Almost immediatly Joe and I started to deterierate even more than normal and shortly there after Joe injured his back, and shortly there after I found out that so much of our relationship had been a lie, and shortly there after I couldn't take any more and I left, and shortly there after I found myself at age 30 at my parents house, not sure what was worse, and shortly there after my sister died.
So what if this time I can't smile. What if this time I don't have enough faith or maybe even any. What if this time I want to scream at God and say Why do you hate me so much. What if this time I can't get down on my knees and I just turn around and walk away instead. What if this time I can't praise Him through my storm. What if this time all I can see is how I can never catch a break and I just get screwed time and time again and I just say Fuck it all.
I've been praying for 10 years that God would bring me a friend and instead I loose my sister who is also friend, my only friend, my best friend. I can't see through all of this fog this time. The road map is all fuzzy and I don't know where to go. I know in my head who can lead me, but I don't think my heart wants to trust anymore.
Maybe I never had the faith that I thought I did. Maybe I was lying to myself and to God because when the going got tough and wouldn't let up, I gave up. I give up. I can't see the good in it all. I can't see You in it all. I can't be strong anymore. I just don't want to be strong anymore.

Keep moving forward

I took a little break from blogging while my life fell apart. Now, I'm trying to pull myself up by my boot-straps and keep moving forward. The last year has been one of the hardest of my life, and although I feel sadness for the chapters that are closing, I also feel a great relief to finally say goodbye. I am so blessed to have such huge support from my family and friends and am thankful that even though I am now on my own, I'm really not. My goal is to work on my body, mind and spirit this year and I know that writing will be a big part of that. It has always been the best way for me to express how I am feeling, and although I am not very good at it, it helps me work through my emotions, what I want to say to others, and my conversations with God.

I am truly thankful for all of those who are praying for Zach, Katie and myself and ask also that you will pray for Joe as he continues to self destruct and spiral to dangerous places.

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Circus guilt

This week I took my kids to the Shrine Circus. It was my first time at the circus and it was probably the coolest thing that I have done in a long time. It was fun just to watch the amazement on the faces of my children. Katie even got to ride on an elephant. It was truly a spectacular show.
When I got home, I was so impressed with the show that I went on Face book to become a fan of the Shrine Circus. When I pressed search, what I got were several, if not many, protests against the circus because of the treatment of animals by the circus, particularly the elephants. I read a fiction novel a few years ago, based on a true story, called Water for Elephants and I actually knew going into the circus that the animals in the show are often abused, and yet, I still went and I even had a great time.
Now I'm feeling guilty. I watched about 5 YouTube videos when I got home of these poor elephants being hit with bull hooks. It's wrong and I shouldn't have been supporting the circus to begin with. This particular circus had 2 elephants, 2 black bears, and a bunch of poodles, all of which are possibly being miss treated.
It is disappointing though, because my kids and I really did have a good time. We really were amazed. It was a great experience. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll be going again.

Dodging potholes

The roads in Ely are bad on a good day. Since all of the snow that we've had this year, they have become even worse to drive on. The pot holes are huge and dodging them is impossible. Yesterday as I was taking Katie to school I witnessed the city filling in some of the potholes with sand. Even I know better than that. Filling a pot hole with sand might make it seem better for a week or two, but it's not going to fix the problem. I know that Ely gets some of the money from the states gaming, so why I am having to drive on the wrong side of the road to avoid pot holes, and why is the city filling them in with sand instead of asphalt? I guess I'll have to take it up with the city. Not my cup of tea, but I'm really irritated.

The stuff that is my life

So here's what's been going on with me.

The kids have been sick FOREVER. I think between the two of them, it's been a month now.

I took a short trip to California to visit my Parents. It was wonderful. I had really missed them. Plus they took me out to Chili's and Sushi. YUM! Can't beat that.

Joe decided against the prison job and didn't even show up for the physical. I'm not really sure how I feel about that choice, but hey, what can I really do. Fortunately, the mine is still open and copper prices have risen a wee bit in the last month. Fingers crossed, he'll keep that job.

I took a tour at the local Head Start. They just received a huge grant and are planning on hiring in the near future. It would be perfect for me since they run on the same schedule as the kids. My neighbor is on the board there, so I'm pretty sure I have a good chance at a job.

The car that we got for Joe a few months ago won't start. We've now put 4 different parts in, thinking that each would fix the problem. Not so much. Bummer. We have a friend coming over some time this week to help us figure it out and I'm hoping we can get it fixed on Joes week off so that I don't have to go back to walking everywhere. We'll see.

I've been saving up for a trip to Disneyland in May. My birthday and Katies are only 2 days apart and this is how we will celebrate. I can't wait! My Mom and Dad and possibly my sister are going to join us and it's going to be a great time.

Joes band Iokane laid down their first track on their demo C.D. and I'm feeling a little proud. I think they are really good.

The snow here just won't stop and although it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I'm pretty much over it and ready for some warmth, which I have been told I won't get until June. Seriously? URG!

4 day school week

Yesterday while I was standing outside waiting for my kids to come out of school, the principle came out and we had a little chat. He wanted to know my opinion on a 4 day week for school. Nevada, as many states are going through some major budget cuts and they are trying to figure out the best way to deal with these cuts. He explained to me that by switching to a 4 day school week, that they would be able to save 2 teachers spots with the money that they would save on transportation and electricity and such.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. For one thing, a 4 day week would add 75 minutes to each school day. I know that for Zachary, he is already tired by the end of a school day, and adding an extra hour at the end of the day, might not be the best thing for him. Not only that, but it seems like we are already cramming a lot in after school between homework and sports and dinner and getting ready for bed.

The principle also told me that they would be teaming up with the Magic Carpet Day Care for parents that work Monday through Friday. parents would still be able to drop their kids off at school on Fridays, but it would be day care, not school. It seems like such a waste for the kids that will have to do that. I know that this aspect really isn't the schools problem, but I'm not convinced that it's a good idea. The reality is that Parents do have to work Monday through Friday and now on Fridays they won't be learning or spending time with their families. Like I said. What a waste.

I guess, now that I am really sitting down to think about it, I don't like the idea at all! However, the alternative is that people loose jobs, and class sizes get bigger. Maybe there just isn't a good solution.

My husband is heading for prison

We wanted to be prepared for the rumors that the mine that Joe works for is going to shut down or lay off soon, so a few months ago, Joe applied at the prison here in Ely. We didn't hear anything until a few days ago when we got an e-mail saying that his application had be reviewed and accepted and they would send him via mail a date for a physical test and interview. He has this test on the 25th and an interview to follow if he passes the physical part.

If I remember correctly, he has to run a mile in 17 min. and do some timed push-ups and sit-ups. We are headed to the local football field on Tuesday for a little bit of training, and just to see if he can do it. It should be interesting to say the least. I've never seen Joe run! I know they do make it fairly easy though, and I'm sure he can do it.

He is not allowed to wear any blue to this interview, which I know is gang related but I find highly amusing since he won't be around any prisoners that day.

We are both just a little bit excited about the whole thing. For one thing it will be a change of pace for Joe, and he needs that. And for another thing, once he has some experience we could put in for a transfer and head back to Vegas or California. It's really a great opportunity during this economic crisis since it is one of the more stable jobs out there, unlike his current occupation which has been one of the hardest hit industries.

In response to: A brief word on discipleship vs. legalism

I fully and completely agree that as followers of Christ, we are called into a lifetime of discipleship, of walking in the way with Jesus, seeking righteousness, holiness, Christ-likeness throughout our lifetime.

However, as far as discipleship goes I do not think that you can disciple to every person in the same way, which may be the problem with legalism.

When I used the example of the beach in response to this blog, it was a generalization of many things that Christians could see as causing another to stumble and to me seemed just as outrageous as the Superbowl discussion. (Not that I think that the discussion it's self was outrageous)

I think that if any one person feels like an event such as the Superbowl is not honoring to Christ, than he/she should absolutely not partake in the festivities. You should most certainly do what you believe God wants you to do in your life.

A little background: I am married, but spiritually single. In my life I am continually made fun of by my own husband for my beliefs and often what I take a stand on. One of the nicknames that Joe has given me is Flanders. (The Jesus freak on The Simpsons) I have been told that I am brainwashing my children simply because I take them to church and celebrate advent and things like that. I was not allowed to enroll my children in a Christian pre-school. In my situation, I have learned to pick my battles carefully while maintaining my core values and beliefs. Only God knows my struggles in this everyday situation and only those whom are in the same situation as I am can truly understand.

In my case, it would be more of a discipleship for me to sit down and enjoy the game despite whatever negativity there may be, than to refuse to watch it and have my husband look at me like a crazy person and think to himself that he doesn't want any part of my God that will not even allow me to watch a football game.

I guess my point is simply that you do what you believe God wants you to do. If you believe that God cannot use the Superbowl as a time of discipleship in your life, than by all means skip it! But if you can see how God could use even the Superbowl as a time to witness, even if it is just through a gentle and quiet spirit, than He will give you that opportunity. I don't think that this is a subject that you can generalize for all Christians. I have a tendency to look at things how Joe would see them, and spend my time doing studies on how to be the happy wife of an unsaved husband. So I guess my opinions are often from this perspective and the will of God through prayer in my own life and experience, which I am fully aware is different from many.

For those that are using Superbowl Sunday to help the homeless, that is an amazing ministry and I am glad that God is using those women in that ministry. One of my major ministries is Joe, and although it may not seem as important to some, I believe that I can be the hands and feet of Jesus in my own home.

And on a personal note to Dan. The George Knight comment was meant to be light hearted and funny. I hope you didn't take me seriously.

United Methodists

I've been attending the United Methodist Church in Ely. This past Sunday, the pastor decided to do a healing service where anyone that needed healing of any kind could come to the front of the church and have the pastor lay hands on them and pray for them. I've been through this myself more than once and it has always been an extremely personal, emotional and spiritual experience. However, in the United Methodist Church they do not pray from their hearts and the whole thing seemed a little weird. I did not participate in this service, and I am not trying to tell you how the ones who did felt. The pastor prayed the same prayer, which she read from a sheet of paper, for every person. I know that this is just how the Methodists do things since all of our prayers throughout any service are printed in the bulletin, but it's not something that I think that I will ever get used to. To me, Christianity is about having a personal relationship with God. He doesn't expect everything to be scripted and allows you to share your whole heart. The Methodists, take the personal out of your relationship with God.
I am certainly glad that I have a church to go to in Ely and that my kids are going to Sunday school. I just don't understand the ways of the Methodists.

Yuck!

Yesterday Joe came home very proud with this story:

At the mine, there aren't any bathrooms anywhere near where we are working, so sometimes we have to poop in a bucket. This was one of those days. "that's disgusting" I said. "And then what do you do with the bucket?" I asked foolishly. I put a bag in the bucket before hand, and then when I was done, I took the bag and threw it down one of the blast holes so that when they blast, my poop will fly into the air!

Seriously. What is wrong with boys.

Drugs are saving Joes job!

The mine started drug testing every crew last week. Now there's a way to eliminate employees without having to lay anyone off! Especially here in Ely. They should be able to get rid of at least 1/4 of the labor out there since we live in the Meth capital of the world! Tee-hee! Joes job is safe for now!

Spot light on Katie

My 5 year old daughter brings me such joy everyday. Her creativity amazes me. Her favorite thing in the whole world is doing art, and when she brings me her latest creation, I am almost always in awe that she made it. I know that every mother thinks that the things that her children make are the best, and maybe I'm crazy, but this girl is going to grow up to do something artsy. She makes her own paper dolls, engineers bridges for her ponies to cross out of Knex, makes Kites that can actually fly, built a farris wheel for her pollypockets to ride in, and the list goes on. She is such a blessing in my life, and I love to just watch her go.

School

In the fall, I will have both of my children in school all day. I have been a stay at home mom since my son was born almost 8 years ago, but the time is coming for me to either get a job, go back to school, or both. Today I spent a bunch of time researching scholarships for school since I cannot afford school without a second income. From what I read, it's pretty tough to get a scholarship if you are not coming directly from high school, or a returning student. Since I will be neither of those, I'm not sure if I can pull it off. I do know that I don't want to end up cleaning hotel rooms or becoming a waitress! I'm crossing my fingers that I can figure it all out before the fall semester begins.

The goings on

As many people in my life know, I've been having trouble with the wireless Internet that I have through alltel. Our service has been so slow, that going on the Internet has been frustrating. It seems to be going better today, so I thought I'd sit down and write a blog. This one is for my mom, as she told me she has been waiting for me to post something, even though, she already knows all about my life! This one is just the goings on.

-Joe completed his drill training at the mine. He can now add this to his resume and that is a good thing. He is currently drilling on his own and enjoying it. As my Ground (Grandpa) said, as long as they don't let him handle the dynamite, we'll ll be O.K. LOL!

-Currently, the mine is still running and they have not started layoffs. At the moment they have a lot of skilled individuals shoveling snow by hand to cut costs and keep everyone working. I think that shows that they really are concerned about the employees since we know that they could operate with 40 percent of the labor that they have.

-Last week, Joe went to the Doctor and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Although this will be a long term battle for both of us, and our children, I am thrilled that Joe took the step to go to the Doctor and get proper medication. I know that we will all be much happier people.

-The holidays were FABULOUS!!! My parents, sister, and niece came to Ely for Christmas and we had a blast! The kids enjoyed playing in the snow with Nana and Papa, we got to ride on the Polar Express and Christmas day was such fun. My mom and I even had a good time going to the Laundromat about 4 times! It was nice to be with them and I am missing them already

-We got a second car!!! After about 6 months of me walking everywhere while Joe had the car at work, we finally got ourselves an 88 Dodge Ram Charger. It is perfect for Joe to take to and from work and even has 4x4 for the snow. I feel truly blessed!

-Zachary has his first loose tooth at the age of 71/2 and he is very excited. It's coming out any day now.

-Katie read me her first book last week and I am trying to go overboard on the encouragement as she tells me daily that she hates school.

I am looking forward to 2009 and praying that it will be crisis free, as I have not experienced a quiet year in a long time.