Random act of kindness

Today I went to Starbucks like I do every morning before work. I go through the drive through and I always order a grande mocha. Today when I got to the window, the barista told me that the lady in the car before me had paid for my drink today.
"What?" I said
"Why?"
"She just wanted to do something nice" Said the barista.

The lady was already half way down the street. Gone.
My jaw just dropped and I couldn't stop saying how nice that was. My eyes filled up with tears and then I couldn't stop smiling! I've had family and friends do special and kind thing for me before, even out of the blue, but I have never had a stranger bestow upon me a random act of kindness. It was truly amazing and I tell you, it made my whole day. I smiled more today. I was kinder to others today. I laughed more today.
Was it just a 4 dollar coffee, yeah, but it was so much more.

What if

Over the past 10 years my life has had a few highs and many extreme lows. Through it all I felt like God was teaching me something, whether it be strength or faith or love or what not. I have always tried to take everything that has been handed to me with a smile and turn it into a learning experience or a better understanding of what it is to have faith in God.
This year, instead of a New Years resolution I started praying daily for a crisis free 2009. Almost immediatly Joe and I started to deterierate even more than normal and shortly there after Joe injured his back, and shortly there after I found out that so much of our relationship had been a lie, and shortly there after I couldn't take any more and I left, and shortly there after I found myself at age 30 at my parents house, not sure what was worse, and shortly there after my sister died.
So what if this time I can't smile. What if this time I don't have enough faith or maybe even any. What if this time I want to scream at God and say Why do you hate me so much. What if this time I can't get down on my knees and I just turn around and walk away instead. What if this time I can't praise Him through my storm. What if this time all I can see is how I can never catch a break and I just get screwed time and time again and I just say Fuck it all.
I've been praying for 10 years that God would bring me a friend and instead I loose my sister who is also friend, my only friend, my best friend. I can't see through all of this fog this time. The road map is all fuzzy and I don't know where to go. I know in my head who can lead me, but I don't think my heart wants to trust anymore.
Maybe I never had the faith that I thought I did. Maybe I was lying to myself and to God because when the going got tough and wouldn't let up, I gave up. I give up. I can't see the good in it all. I can't see You in it all. I can't be strong anymore. I just don't want to be strong anymore.

Keep moving forward

I took a little break from blogging while my life fell apart. Now, I'm trying to pull myself up by my boot-straps and keep moving forward. The last year has been one of the hardest of my life, and although I feel sadness for the chapters that are closing, I also feel a great relief to finally say goodbye. I am so blessed to have such huge support from my family and friends and am thankful that even though I am now on my own, I'm really not. My goal is to work on my body, mind and spirit this year and I know that writing will be a big part of that. It has always been the best way for me to express how I am feeling, and although I am not very good at it, it helps me work through my emotions, what I want to say to others, and my conversations with God.

I am truly thankful for all of those who are praying for Zach, Katie and myself and ask also that you will pray for Joe as he continues to self destruct and spiral to dangerous places.

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.
For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

Circus guilt

This week I took my kids to the Shrine Circus. It was my first time at the circus and it was probably the coolest thing that I have done in a long time. It was fun just to watch the amazement on the faces of my children. Katie even got to ride on an elephant. It was truly a spectacular show.
When I got home, I was so impressed with the show that I went on Face book to become a fan of the Shrine Circus. When I pressed search, what I got were several, if not many, protests against the circus because of the treatment of animals by the circus, particularly the elephants. I read a fiction novel a few years ago, based on a true story, called Water for Elephants and I actually knew going into the circus that the animals in the show are often abused, and yet, I still went and I even had a great time.
Now I'm feeling guilty. I watched about 5 YouTube videos when I got home of these poor elephants being hit with bull hooks. It's wrong and I shouldn't have been supporting the circus to begin with. This particular circus had 2 elephants, 2 black bears, and a bunch of poodles, all of which are possibly being miss treated.
It is disappointing though, because my kids and I really did have a good time. We really were amazed. It was a great experience. Unfortunately, I don't think we'll be going again.

Dodging potholes

The roads in Ely are bad on a good day. Since all of the snow that we've had this year, they have become even worse to drive on. The pot holes are huge and dodging them is impossible. Yesterday as I was taking Katie to school I witnessed the city filling in some of the potholes with sand. Even I know better than that. Filling a pot hole with sand might make it seem better for a week or two, but it's not going to fix the problem. I know that Ely gets some of the money from the states gaming, so why I am having to drive on the wrong side of the road to avoid pot holes, and why is the city filling them in with sand instead of asphalt? I guess I'll have to take it up with the city. Not my cup of tea, but I'm really irritated.

The stuff that is my life

So here's what's been going on with me.

The kids have been sick FOREVER. I think between the two of them, it's been a month now.

I took a short trip to California to visit my Parents. It was wonderful. I had really missed them. Plus they took me out to Chili's and Sushi. YUM! Can't beat that.

Joe decided against the prison job and didn't even show up for the physical. I'm not really sure how I feel about that choice, but hey, what can I really do. Fortunately, the mine is still open and copper prices have risen a wee bit in the last month. Fingers crossed, he'll keep that job.

I took a tour at the local Head Start. They just received a huge grant and are planning on hiring in the near future. It would be perfect for me since they run on the same schedule as the kids. My neighbor is on the board there, so I'm pretty sure I have a good chance at a job.

The car that we got for Joe a few months ago won't start. We've now put 4 different parts in, thinking that each would fix the problem. Not so much. Bummer. We have a friend coming over some time this week to help us figure it out and I'm hoping we can get it fixed on Joes week off so that I don't have to go back to walking everywhere. We'll see.

I've been saving up for a trip to Disneyland in May. My birthday and Katies are only 2 days apart and this is how we will celebrate. I can't wait! My Mom and Dad and possibly my sister are going to join us and it's going to be a great time.

Joes band Iokane laid down their first track on their demo C.D. and I'm feeling a little proud. I think they are really good.

The snow here just won't stop and although it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, I'm pretty much over it and ready for some warmth, which I have been told I won't get until June. Seriously? URG!

4 day school week

Yesterday while I was standing outside waiting for my kids to come out of school, the principle came out and we had a little chat. He wanted to know my opinion on a 4 day week for school. Nevada, as many states are going through some major budget cuts and they are trying to figure out the best way to deal with these cuts. He explained to me that by switching to a 4 day school week, that they would be able to save 2 teachers spots with the money that they would save on transportation and electricity and such.

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. For one thing, a 4 day week would add 75 minutes to each school day. I know that for Zachary, he is already tired by the end of a school day, and adding an extra hour at the end of the day, might not be the best thing for him. Not only that, but it seems like we are already cramming a lot in after school between homework and sports and dinner and getting ready for bed.

The principle also told me that they would be teaming up with the Magic Carpet Day Care for parents that work Monday through Friday. parents would still be able to drop their kids off at school on Fridays, but it would be day care, not school. It seems like such a waste for the kids that will have to do that. I know that this aspect really isn't the schools problem, but I'm not convinced that it's a good idea. The reality is that Parents do have to work Monday through Friday and now on Fridays they won't be learning or spending time with their families. Like I said. What a waste.

I guess, now that I am really sitting down to think about it, I don't like the idea at all! However, the alternative is that people loose jobs, and class sizes get bigger. Maybe there just isn't a good solution.